August 13, 2024 - Daily Musing - Derealization / Depersonalization

Just an update on my mental health. My anxiety has been through the roof. It has paralyzed me to no end. I am starting to experience derealization/depersonalization. It is like I am living in a dream and I am separate from my body. A unique symptom I experience is the feelilng like I can not see light and colours like I used to. It is like I am watching the world through a dark, gloomy lense. When I first experienced depersonization/derealization back when I was 16, I had not idea what it was. I didn't think it had anything to do with anxiety. I told doctors and specialization an honest answer and it baffled them. I think it is because of the vision thing. So I know what it is and I know it is a response to anxiety so I just accept it. I went for a pedicure today and it didn't feel like it was my feet that was getting painted. I took a lot of deep breaths with a longer exhale. That seemed to help. I also made myself go for a walk to get rid of some of the anxiety. I also did a few tasks though out the house so I don't feel so paralyzed. I don't know why my anxiety is so bad. It might be because I do not know when I will return to work and what job I will have. It might be that I am not productive and I sit around the house on my phone too much. The fact that I wrote on this blog today is a very good sign.