June 5, 2024 – Reflections on the Movie Named “To the Bone”

There is a movie call “To the Bone” staring Lily Collins and Keanu Reeves that I can relate to the main character whose named Ellen.  Even though Ellen has an eating disorder and I have panic/anxiety disorder and depression, there are some relatable scenes in the film.   The movie is about Ellen going to many different treatment centres however, she is not healing.  There was one scene in the movie about the psychiatrist having a family therapy session and family is fighting with other family members about whose fault it is and how hard Ellen’s illness is on them.  Ellen says in that scene, I’m sorry that I am not a person anymore, I am a problem, and it is all my fault.”  I feel like my family is like that.  They were concerned how hard my disorder was on them. 

This movie also shows how hard it is to treat some mental disorders and sometimes it takes time.

At the end of the movie, her body is starting to shut down.   She walks into the desert at the back of her mother’s house, and she falls asleep or passes out.   She dreams or has an out of body experience that she is sitting on a branch on a tree, and she is a healthy weight.  She looks down at the real version of herself sleeping on the ground and is horrified how emancipated she is.  She experiences love and compassion for herself.  This enables her to go back to her treatment centre and start to heal.  I have had the same experience when I look back at my life and how my panic and anxiety disorder shaped it.  I feel so bad for myself to have had experienced this.  I have so much compassion for myself.  Anxiety is so challenging.

I have often said to myself, if a loved one knew how horrible and dreadful life is with an anxiety disorder, they would push over anyone in front of them, run, not walk, jump over tables and chairs and dart to the doctor’s office, push their way into the examination room without an appointment, all to get their loved a one a prescription or a referral.  Living with anxiety is extremely challenging.  Those who suffer from it deserve extreme compassion.